Try Out Inside

Living. Being.

A quasi-being, almost alive.

An organism that needs to come into contact with a human to activate and expand.

So tiny, so small that you can't see it.

Small but never alone, it is a thumping being, although invisible, formed by thousands and millions of tiny identical beings, operating in unison.

                               ...U NI SON...

How is it possible that something so minuscule as well as disproportionate, is capable of something that the whole of humanity, in all its evolution, has not been?

Those days have come, time is given with soapy smell and wrapped in cellophane,

our time, to reconfigure our reference frames.

La Pocha Nostra, Corpo Ilícito Sociedad Posthumana #69

FRAMES

It is said that they cannot fly more than a meter and a half in the air.

However, they have crossed  borders, customs, without a visa, without documents.

Nothing has stopped them, neither the norms, nor the western laws, nor the little thick line on the maps.

They have expanded without asking anyone's permission.

With no Mercy .. Mercy?

This organism does not feel. It is a semi-living being that is activated and that's it.

There is no evil or goodness in its acts, they are not even acts!

It has no consciousness.

And yet it has intelligence, collective intelligence, to activate, expand,  and mutate.

...Collective intelligence...

That thing gives us a lot to learn.

Paradoxically, and to better control the pandemic, the borders have been closed, in and out.

In other words, the more it becomes clear to us that borders are useless, the ones in  power insist on reinforcing them, desperately trying to control the uncontrollable.

HABITS

Control the uncontrollable. Is there something in you that is impossible to control? To avoid?

The strongest in us, are our mental habits.

In my case I went by steps:

First, a proud mistrust.

Then a rebellious reaction to any ban coming from the right-wing authorities, hesitating.

Then a voice at the nape of my neck saying: this is not more serious than other things, but now it is a scandal because white men are the ones getting sick.

Finally, stupefaction and panic and resignation. All three at the same time, collapsing my thoughts, shaking my body.

Our minds are used to be disappointed and betrayed by the politicians, upset with being continuously manipulated. Living day by day in our post-truth era, we are indulged  to relativize anything, and although we have the capacity to surprise ourselves, this one is beyond us.

Given the possibility of being informed at real-time speed, and seeing that THE FIRST VISIBLY GLOBAL EVENT is taking place, you have no choice but to be surprised. Mouth open.

You can finally write all those projects that we said we would do one day, when we have time ... Come on, what are you waiting for, why are you still lying on your bed?

Tell me if it doesn't seem perfect to you: Finally your husband will stay at home to see that it had not been so easy to stay all day with three children asking for attention. At last they, the men, will know what it is to go out into the street in fear. Maybe after this, they will have a different behaviour with us. Will they?

VIOLENCE

Years studying about the violence, books and documentaries and one thesis.

Researching whether it was human or not.

Asking if it is born from learning, if it is innate.

Identifying in the body the signals, the force.

                                                    Never heard of

The unimaginable violence

Of the invisible in the body.

Of life against us. Between fear of death and life.

Everyone against everyone,  nobody to nobody.

                                    ////Without touching each other./////

BODYPic. Roberto Unterlastaetter

What do I do with my body?

What is it for?

When is she not working, labor force, and when is she not an instrument of visual or tactile pleasure?

Wasn't my body my instrument?

What can I do with her?

What do I do to stay alive?

Why do I want to stay alive?

Speaking of truths, perhaps it will become clear to us little by little

We begin to differentiate which of our activities we do only for money,

which by necessity,

which for pleasure.

What are we capable of doing out of fear

What do we do to check if the others are still alive

What is essential for us to make us feel that our life is worth

What is no longer essential

What can be done at home

What can´t

What we will do "when all this is over" because, accustomed to the immediate, in real time and without pain, we are not in the mood for slow results.

REAL TIME

From today on,

Mon coer est fermé

                                   , perhaps to allow me to overcome this.

I consume information in measure

I eat more than usual, although also in measure

I sleep and I dream.

I have nice phone conversations.

I recognize in my friends, more fragile than me, how fear rises in their voices, in their heads, amongst cloudy thoughts.

I recognize myself in their fright and my skin becomes thicker, I do not cry with them.

All this is a mask, a shell.

My breathing pace changes thousand times a day.

It is not easy to be present always, here and now

And at the same time, it is the easiest thing in the world

                                                                            Just stop projecting into the future

My biggest conflict is in what I am and what I do. Performing artist.

Years and years training to be present here and now. Here and now I am.

I look, I feel. But I cannot connect this present with my career.

The virtual or the electronic keeps us in communication. Is that the only way to confirm my existence, my validity - through social networks? Through this medium?

My element is another.

Maybe I'm too old-fashioned, but I don't find any sense in filming myself at home, next to the laundry rack, the sofa and the kettle, dancing. I do not find it meaningful to share my daily life, training, as one would say, brushing my teeth ... That cannot be of interest to the world.

And later?

I can hardly imagine what I could talk about in my pieces after this.

Talk more about it?

Ignore It?

It just seems to me today that tomorrow it will be impossible to pretend it did not happen.

Will I see the day people crowd together in public places or theaters? Or will there be regulations regarding proxemics for the years to follow?

Will political, social, environmental, feminist struggles be reconfigured?

Because I tell you, and I want to believe with all my soul that this is not in vain, that people's hearts are changing ...

The longer this time is, the more possibility of change we will have.

To re-habituate to other things, to re-program our perception.

If you tell me that in order for the capitalist system to succumb I must stay at home 100 days, I would gladly do so.

MEDICINE

There are scientific rumours that say it was created in a laboratory

Now, the world's scientists and doctors are invested in  measuring what happens,

searching for solutions

Is a vaccine the solution?

Why do we (I include myself) think that science has the absolute true?

What is the price for this world step?

Were we ready for this or not?

Would we be ready for something worse?

THE HOLE

What's the point of dancing today? Not to go crazy, right?

And where will my source of income come from?

What do I need that income for?

Who do I dance with?

For whom to dance? Perform?

This time reality has surpassed fictions, and it is difficult to abstract myself from it, there is no fiction that saves me.

Questions that lead me to more questions

In infinite loops, I'm digging my grave with a spoon

Suddenly we realize that the organs of capitalism are under attack.

The voices on TV that yesterday said "do not stay bored at home: come, buy buy, buy, buy buy, buy, work to buy, buy buy, buy ..." had been silent.

Now the TV shows nurses crying, asking for a hashtag pleasestayhomeforgoodsake.

The factories, with or without robots, are stopping

The social factory - You and me, part of this system, have grown believing that what we do is what we are, that without our profession we will perish.

Many of us invest our lives in taking these limits further: with busy schedules, days and nights full of activities, appointments, interviews, classes, conferences, presentations, rehearsals, parties, conventions, meetings ...

                                     Today they stand canceled

                                              canceled 

I, Maria, born in the capitalist system, to whom I have voluntarily given my body as fuel for its motor, I feel that if I do not make my art on the stage, with the others, I am dead.

And yet, every day I open my eyes, I'm still here, alive.

The deprivation and the confinement

confront us with the space in which we live

with our families

with the kids

with the animals

with doubts

with the stones, doors, licks

with ourselves

Changing tactics in a few days, for the same strategy

First: lock yourself up to be safe

Then it is: lock yourself up to put others out of risk

Think as a whole, of the other

Discover the sameness firsthand

The iceberg that is capitalism is melting

And we will be there to witness it

Big moment

After questioning our habits, and SEEING that we can change them, it will be different, right?

SURRENDER

I know that the filters are still here, that when I say EVERYTHING, I only speak of one part, the one I see and perceive. I acknowledge that few of us have the privilege of being at home, washing our hands many times a day, and seeing the news on our phones. That I feel discomfort in seeing that for us - yes, the bourgeois, or the middle class - it is embarrassing to question at this time about money instead of higher preoccupations..listen, perhaps we are farther from starving than others, but as close to death as everyone. One meter and a half.

Give your filters time to drop

You will see

The prophets, the oracles, the Messiahs, the yatiris, the activists, your psychologist, the Korean, your lover, your autistic student, the drunk beggar of central square, your yoga teacher, had already warned you. You yourself in a dream, you told it to the mirror

The enemy is not outside, the fight is within.

The enemy, the hero, the bait, the sacrifice, the medium. It is you.

Maria Peredo- Questions to the Body- CCP

I surrender to myself

to my humanity, my limits, my insignificance

I kneel on you, oh, world

I leave my past in your fields

Those millions of hours invested in educating my body, my mind

I give you my profession

My capitalist dreams of success

And in the end, I'm just that.

A being, a living being.

Yesterday, I found my imaginary childhood friend again. She looked at me with her beautiful long eyes, and with her four invisible arms, she hugged me. It was very emotional. She asked me what was happening.

"How to explain ... The virus does in our body what we did to Mother Earth."

Written during the quarantine of March 2020. Thanks to *Urvi Vora for the spellcheck.

Cover picture ©Daniel Oros